Fire on Ice

Turn 5
Season 1
Lap 12

“Oilers Sign Racecar Driver”
by: Reggie Dunlop
Central Hockey League Weekly
Friday, September 01, 2006

TULSA- The Tulsa Oilers took a non-traditional route to acquire some much needed muscle this week. General Manager Tommy Hanrahan announced today that Oilers plan to use a local racecar driver as a checking line specialist.

Brannon Holman, of Peggs, Oklahoma, is familiar for his racing exploits at Salina Highbanks Speedway. After a brawl at the track last week, Hanrahan contacted Holman about becoming an enforcer, what old time hockey fans would call a goon, for Tulsa.

“It was just amazing how he attacked this other driver,” Hanrahan said. “He’s got the kind of short fuse that could really ignite our hockey club.”

The Oilers had a record of 28-29-7 last seasons, good enough to finish last in the CHL’s Northwest Division. Hanrahan says many of those losses came by way of intimidation, a problem he hopes Holman will fix.

“My players won’t be afraid anymore. If somebody on the other team so much as looks at our guys wrong, we’ll sick Mr. Badwrench on ‘em.”

The Oilers front office leapt at the chance to market a local player. T-shirt sales have seen a 10% increase since the team launched a marketing campaign dubbing Holman “Mr. Badwrench.” Hockey sponsor Snap-On Tools is also on board for a “Brannon Holman ratchet night,” at an Oilers game next season.

While the front office has embraced Holman, some of his future teammates are not so sure about him.

“Who is this guy?” Oilers leading scorer Jim Dahl asked. “He gets in one fight, and suddenly he’s our new goon? I bet he can’t even skate. What a stupid publicity stunt, eh.”

According to Hanrahan, the factory stock driver will finish out the racing season while taking skating lessons during his free time.

“We missed the playoffs last season, and obviously we need to fix that. Hopefully Brannon Holman will be the guy who gives us back our edge,” Hanrahan said. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll keep him around to drive the Zamboni.”