Laying the Smack Down

Turn 5
Season 1
Lap 11

“WWE Scouts Racecar Driver”
by: Rob Hammerlock
Bodyslam Magazine
Monday, August 28, 2006

SALINA- As a defining moment developed last Friday under the lights at Salina Highbanks Speedway, scouts from World Wrestling Entertainment could not help but take notice. Some racing fans have taken to calling the incident, “the bump heard round the world.”

“We saw a display of humanity in its rawest form. The intensity, the crowd reaction, and the circus like atmosphere are things that you can’t coach an entertainer to do. It’s a magic gift they are born with,” WWE chairman Vince McMahon said. “Needless to say, we’re very interested in bringing that energy into the WWE.”

Inside sources report McMahon may offer a WWE contract to factory stock racer Brannon Holman after watching last Friday’s race, where Holman was involved in an altercation with pure stock driver Lee McLain.

“Here’s a guy who sees a friend get involved in a wreck, so he runs out on the track, and then tries to climb into another driver’s car to beat him up. He’d fit right in around here,” WWE talent scout Sgt. Slaughter said.

Other members of the wrestling community are not so eager to support Holman’s potential career change.

“What kind of skinny punk attacks a man while he’s strapped down to a seat? And I heard he had another guy hold him down. Let me tell you something, brother… you won’t be so tough after you taste my boot, and you feel these 24 inch pythons wrapped around your neck,” Hulk Hogan, one of Holman’s most outspoken critics, said.

“Let me tell you what we’re gonna do, brother. September 17, in Toronto, at Unforgiven, it’s gonna be Brannon Holman and that punk car inspector in a tag team match against Lee McLain and yours truly, the immortal Hulk Hogan. Only on Pay-Per-View. Whattcha gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?” Hogan said.

Neither Holman nor McLain would answer phone calls about the prospect of Hulkamania running wild on anyone.

Slaughter remains skeptical about the proposed tag team match.

“We weren’t really interested in McLain, since he really didn’t do anything spectacular. This Holman guy is explosive, that’s what we’re looking for when we sign new talent,” Slaughter said.

WWE has not released the terms of Holman’s proposed wrestling contract.

5 Live Radars

Turn 5
Season 1
Lap 10

"National Weather Service Investigates Wilhite"

by Gray Cloud
Oklahoma Storm Chasers Association Newsletter
Friday, August 4, 2006

SALINA- Meteorologists from all over Oklahoma are examining race car driver Fausten Wilhite's claims of an "F-5" grade tornado passing through rural Salina. Several meteorologists (all possessing the American Meteorological Society Seal of Approval) have been tracking Wilhite's racing career for the past month.

"We want to find out if racing fans are actually spotting an F5 tornado like they claim they are," Jim Giles said. Giles is the chief meteorologist at Tulsa-based KOTV Channel 6, a CBS affiliate station. "I don't want to offend Mr. Wilhite, but we've been tracking him on WARN Live Radar, and I just don't think he's moving fast enough to warrant an 'F5' classification."

According to the Fujita Scale of Tornado Intensity, an F5 tornado will produce wind speeds of 261 miles-per-hour to 318 mile-per-hour. Under the Fujita scale, an F5 is classified as an "Incredible Tornado."

"I've studied this car more than anybody, and I'm telling you, it's an F5," Wilhite said. Wilhite's claims are difficult to prove due to the ambiguous nature of the Fujita Scale. Tornadoes are measured by the damage they cause, not by their observed behaviors. The meteorological team feels the racecar’s initial classification may have been the result of inexperienced surveyors.

"The Fujita scale is very subjective, and so our group of meteorologists wanted to check out Mr. Wilhite's race car for ourselves," Giles said. "Based on the new data we have collected, we feel that 'F1' would be a much more suitable classification for Mr. Wilhite's car."

According to Giles, and F1 tornado can produce winds between 73 miles-per-hour and 112 miles-per-hour, which are much more realistic speeds for the veteran modified driver. Wilhite remains undaunted.

"I'm not changing the number on the car. I'll continue to drive the F5. If these weather geeks have a problem with that, I'll see their butts in court," Wilhite, whose racing operation is based in Tahlequah, said.

"I knew he wasn't that fast. I'm just glad somebody came out here and scientifically proved it so that we don't have to hear about how great Fausten's F5 is at driver's meetings," fellow Tahlequah driver Delaney Erickson said.

"We certainly didn't conduct this study to harm Mr. Wilhite or his racing career," Giles said. "We just want to make sure we have up to the minute information to help keep you and your loved ones safe when severe weather strikes Green Country."

The backlash from the Fujita investigation may cause Wilhite to take his racing career to another track, possibly Outlaw Motor Speedway in Muskogee. He currently occupied the seventh position in Salina's modified point standings.

(Photo Credit: bigmaceo of KRAP-TV, of Pryor, Oklahoma)