Red Flag

Turn 5
Season 2
Lap 2

Local Blogger Blames Failed Marriage on Track Closing
By Philip Gasstank
Chouteau Morning Tribune

TULSA- Local woman Cathy McWebsterberg has reportedly filed for divorce from her husband, auto-racing journalist Brian McWebsterberg. Brian McWebsterberg is best known for his website Salina Racing Blog (http://brianwebster.blogspot.com).

“I listened to his pointless stories about racing. I sacrificed time on the family computer so that he could type racing stories for his website. I even turned the other cheek when he sat in the living room watching his Salina racing DVDs for 15 hours straight,” Cathy McWebsterberg said, “but when he sat up in bed in the middle of the night and cried out for Randy Frailey… that was the last straw.”

Brian McWebsterberg blames his failed marriage on the closure of Salina Highbanks Speedway. Racing fans know him for his dedication to posting results of the races on his blog. However, it seems Brian McWebsterberg’s career in racing journalism has been cut short.

The McWebsterberg computer screen still bears a message posted by Track Owner Paula of Salina Highbanks Speedway:

The Track Will Not Be Open For The 2007 Season, I Have Decided To Put The Track Up For Sale.
Thank You Everyone For Being Part Of The Salina Highbanks Speedway.

“It feels like someone punched me in the stomach. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to sleep. I just want to watch Randy Frailey, Jeremy Ross, and the F-4 Phantoms tear up the track again,” Brian McWebsterberg said.

Brian McWebsterberg’s internet journalism career remains frozen in time, much like his computer screen, a frozen reminder of what will surely be an empty chasm in his life.

“I’m not sure if he’s aware I served him with divorce papers, because he’s so in shock over the race track closing, but whatever,” Cathy McWebsterberg said. “I told him it was me or the racing and he picked racing, and now he’s left with nothing. I’m totally cleaning him out in the divorce settlement.”

“I can’t believe this. My life is over,” Brian McWebsterberg mumbled from beneath a pile of blankets on his living room floor. Brian McWebsterberg smelled as though he had been without a shower for several days.

Goodspeed's Crystal Ball

Turn 5
Volume 2
Lap 1

"Salina Highbanks 2007 Season Preview"
by Ed Goodspeed
Salina Evening Post

Ed Goodspeed’s drivers to watch out for in 2007:

#51 Cole Trickle- I know Cole, he always goes high. The former open wheeler made the transition to stock cars last year, but his progress slowed after a serious accident. It will be interesting to see how Trickle copes with the lasting effects of his injuries, especially since he has a hot temper.

#19 Russ Wheeler- He is arrogant, and he drives dirty. His dashing looks make him irresistible to the ladies. Look for the Hardee’s machine to make several appearances in victory lane, and listen for Wheeler to run his mouth about how great he is.

#9 Racer X- Race fans know little about this mysterious soldier of fortune. It seems he disappears just as quickly as he appears. The brief moments of brilliance this mysterious driver has displayed show that Racer X has plenty of upside.

#49 Brewster Baker- This grizzled veteran takes gambles sometimes, but he knows when to hold ‘em, and when to fold ‘em. Rumor has it he employs children on his pit crew. For Baker, this season is a race on the track and a race against the Oklahoma Department of Human Services before they throw the red flag on his racing season.

#6 Steve Grayson- Rumor has it his manager has put the team in a financial crunch, so Grayson must put his white Dodge Charger in the winner’s circle in order to pay off debt to the IRS. If he fails, it’s off to the Heartbreak Hotel (down at the end of Lonely Street). Despite the predicament, Grayson always has a song in his heart. Maybe it’s because he’s also putting it to Nancy Sinatra. Thank you, thank you very much.

#7 Stroker Ace- This guy is up for a race any time. Rain, sleet, snow, bureaucrats, and or even chicken suits can find a way to slow Stroker, right? Not so fast. Word has it Stroker has a couple of distractions in the pits. The first being his sponsor, Chicken Pit Owner Clyde Torkle, and the second being a hot blonde named Pembrook Feeney. No matter what happens this season for Ace, hilarity will surely ensue.

The Inagural Fivies

The Salina Highbanks Speedway awards banquet is coming up. Point championship awards and rookie of the year awards will be presented, and several drivers will be recognized for their racing achievements. My hat goes off to all of them. Those award winning drivers have achieved something that no one will ever be able to take away from them. For the rest of their days on this earth, they will be recognized as 2006 Salina Highbanks Champions. However, several other people put forth great efforts this season, and did not receive any recognition. Turn 5 will change that. Turn 5 would like to recognize the people who given race fans laughs, tears, and pure joy this season. You may not have won a track championship, but you won a 2006 Fivie Award, and that has got to count for something.

"Uh-oh, better get Maaco" Award

This award goes to the driver whose car undergoes the most radical cosmetic transformation over the course of the racing season. This year, we honor a man who took a perfectly shiny, yellow Chevrolet Camaro, and turned it into a dirty speed machine with an unprecedented collection of large dents.

The Fivie goes to:
Steve Freeman, #7B Pure Stock

Sponsor of the Year

Now that Wal-Mart Inc. owns the speedway, Turn 5 is contractually obligated to recognize
Sam's Club
With a Fivie Award.

Manufacturer's Award

Toyota
Toyota 4 Life, baby.

"Turn 5 doesn't understand why your article didn't draw a bigger response" Award

Turn 5’s writers and editors take great care in researching every article published on the Turn 5 site. The arduous reporting process insures maximum enjoyment for readers. Every so often, a Turn 5 article is expected to debut as a “total winner,” yet receives a minimal reaction from the fans.

The Fivie goes to:
“The Ol’ Sugar Bear” Brian Scroggins, #86 Factory Stock
For some reason, the article depicting Sugar Bear having diabetes was a complete miss with race fans.

"Unless you'd like to climb off that four wheeler and explain the problem in a calm and civilized manner, why don't you just mind your own business?" Award

The Fivie goes to:
SHB rent-a-cop
Honestly, dude, I paid to get into the pits.

"Maybe the jokes about you got a little stale" Award

Even Turn 5 gets a little carried away sometimes. Occasionally, the writers do not know where to stop, and lines of comedy are crossed. This year’s winners probably did not need three solid weeks of coverage, but you have to admit, a cop driving a racecar is kind of funny.

The Fivie goes to:
Mike Collins, #2 Economy Modified and Roger Starling, #2s Economy Modified

Crew Chief of the Year

On the track, racing is about one man controlling one vehicle against several opponents of equal mindset. Off the track, racing is a team effort. Turn 5 would like to recognize a man who launched an unprecedented five car team, and guided two of his drivers to Top 10 finishes in the 2006 Pure Stock point standings.

The Fivie goes to:
Joe "Big Papa" Jackson

Track Worker of the Year

Racing would not be possible without the dozens of people who put in countless hours of labor, week-in and week-out, to give race fans the best chance to enjoy the spectacle of motorsports. Without the employees of Salina Highbanks Speedway, racing as we know it would cease to exist. Each year, Turn 5 recognizes the most outstanding track worker for dedication, sportsmanlike conduct, and dedication to racing.

The Fivie goes to:
Technical Inspector Chris "Eagle Eye" Peepers

Honorable Mention:
Beer Shack manager Herb "Skunky" Lager

Running Gag of the Year

Sometimes, a concept from Turn 5 catches on and becomes talk of the pits, grandstands, and message boards. For a story to win this award, it must be accepted much further than the author ever intended. This year’s Fivie Award winner took the cake in deciding fashion.

The Fivie goes to:
Team F4 Phantoms/Team McLain/Ford Team

Turn 5 Fan of the Year

This award is given to a person in the racing community who displays a complete disregard for the Turn 5 editors’ sense of humor, and a general disdain for the internet in general.

The Fivie goes to:
Track Owner Paula

Veteran of the Year

In a few days, Salina Highbanks Speedway will honor its 2006 rookies of the year. What a bunch of crap. Who cares about some first year racer who barely survived their first year of competition? Turn 5 recognizes a grizzled veteran who puts on a show for race fans each weekend. The award designates a racer who displays honor, sportsmanship, and dedication to racing. This year, Turn 5 honors the man who sparked the “success” of this very publication. His scandal crossed over into mainstream Highbanks culture, and nearly started a literal fire on the internet message boards.

The Fivie goes to:
Randy Frailey #51 Modified

The Turn 5 board of executives hopes you enjoyed the 2006 season of racing at Salina Highbanks Speedway. Do you feel left out of the awards ceremony? Are you upset about the results?

Well…

Better luck next year.